Are you a crowd pleaser or do you have ideas above your station?

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Image: What you bring to the picnic says about you

Photo: Michell Zappa  / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr:​ michell zappa 

Are you the pie-bringer or the wine-giver?

It's a beautiful Saturday morning and you get a call inviting you down to the park for an afternoon of al fresco fun with friends. Naturally, you aren't prepared but you've got to bring something to this party on the grass … but what? Everyone has their go-to item, so here's what you've brought in the past might say about you …

Babybels

 

If you have young children then this is the ultimate panic picnic item, grabbed from the back of the fridge in a hurry along with a couple of not-that-cold Frubes and half a bag of fun-size Mars Bars. 

 

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babel

Photo: John / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: johnjoh 

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nn

Photo: Napoleon Dynamite / Giphy

 

If you don't have children and this is your picnic offering, then it's quite likely that you're an adult man who owns a large collection of video games and a Star Wars t-shirt, and it’s surprising that you’ve been invited to this picnic at all. You may or may not spend the duration of this social occasion moulding the wax into a Warhammer figurine.

 

Vegetable crudités (no dip)

 

You did not come to here to make friends, because nobody who wishes to make an impression brings a selection of raw vegetables to a party unless, of course, they are specifically asked.

 

It’s hard to imagine what was going through your head when you strolled past the rows of delicious things in the supermarket and made a beeline for the carrot batons. And to think you couldn’t even soften the blow with a cheeky sour cream and chive dip! There are two plausible explanations for this massive oversight:

 

1. The host has wronged you in some way, or you dislike their company so much that you care nothing for your reputation.

 

2. Your only desire is to meet other people who follow your raw food, pastry-free religion. Either way, nobody will be thanking you. 

 

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carots

Gif: Giphy

 

Mini sausage rolls

 

Everyone who's anyone brings sausage rolls to the party – that's if they care about what other people think of them. You’re a fun-loving person and have a pastry-based weakness with which we can all identify. You are the 'everyman' and the mini sausage roll is the true backbone of the everyman’s picnic. You are also probably the same person who makes Rice Krispie cakes every year for the bake sale because you were born a crowd-pleaser.

 

The bonus is that when you bring the sharing box (obviously nobody with a big heart like yours would dream of bringing just a large Ginsters), nobody’s counting how many of those bad boys you’re popping in your gob. And yet, you are the toast of the day. Just know that the person who has spent all night slaving over an artisan tart is quietly resenting you. 

 

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A whole leg of ham, a wheel of brie, eight French sticks and a knife

 

You’ve been to a picnic before. In fact, the last time you went to one you left it hungry. You’ve been in this game long enough to know that no one has ever fought tooth and nail over a punnet of cherry tomatoes. You know what you like and you’ll be damned if you’re having one more polite tussle over the last chipolata in the spread, hunger burning in your eyes.

 

The stroke of genius is that with these treats, you look generous turning up to the picnic like a jolly French baker. Little do they know you’ve only brought one knife sharp enough to efficiently carve up your lunch. You’ll be keeping it in your pocket while everyone else struggles on with plastic.

 

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cheese

Gif: Achorman / Giphy

 

Vegetable crisps

 

Everyone knows vegetable crisps are nowhere near as nice as normal-crisp crisps and they're twice as expensive, so there must be something else at play here.

 

We all know most people's go-to wow-the-crowd snack is the classic Kettle Chip, so you must have some delusions of grandeur or you just mix in very fancy circles. Perhaps they are your new go-to snack because of that traumatic time when you brought a share bag of Cool Original Doritos and got death stares from your highfalutin peers.

 

Either way, you probably find it quite difficult to relax in polite company. Crack open a gooseberry and cinnamon yogurt and try and have a good time.

xx

Video: MsAquaDaffodil via Catherine Tate Show / YouTube

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