As Parks and Recreation bows out, we take a last look at our new food idol. Just remember: the first rule of Swanson club – no eating the food your food eats
As America bids a teary farewell to Parks and Recreation this week, we’re mourning the departure of our favourite food idol since Joey Tribbiani – Ron Swanson, a man for whom a meat tornado burrito is a light snack, lettuce is a curse word and no dish can ever be "a bit too much".
In tribute to Parks and Rec’s triumphant seven season run, here’s a meat-laden menu to send you reaching for the Gaviscon. Tuck a napkin into your collar and get stuck in.
There’s only one way to start a Swanson day, and that’s with all the bacon and eggs you have.
Unless you only have a couple of eggs and a few rashers of bacon, of course, in which case you’re going to need to eat all the bacon and eggs the supermarket has instead. Double check there are no extra packets hiding at the back before you leave.
Because breakfast food is undeniably the greatest of all foods, you need to make the most of it. Sandwich that heap of eggs and meat between two crisp waffles, to enable a proper purchase and provide a useful moustache guard. Wash everything down with a glass of full-fat milk – because according to Ron, it’s the only milk that isn’t water in disguise.
At lunchtime, you can get really creative. There’s "The Swanson", a bacon-wrapped turkey leg lovingly recreated by Meatventures, or the Marlboro Man sandwich, a dense, drippy creation of such cholesterolic ambition that it manages to pack in two whole sticks of butter (that's 220g this side of the Atlantic). Because one stick of butter for lunch is never quite enough, is it?
Or for a lighter lunch, on those days that a 3-hour afternoon nap might not be completely convenient, knock up a little sandwich like this pastrami and rye number from The Guilty Carnivore.
To transform this tasty chargrilled steak recipe into a Ron-worthy plateful (or "Swansonise" it), simply swap the salad garnish for another steak.
Congratulations, you’ve just made "turf and turf".