If you've tested your willpower with the fasting diet that everyone's doing, you'll know the struggle
If you’ve bitten the bullet and given this mettle-testing diet a whirl then you’ll have learned these lessons the hard way.
People are the worst
If you thought school was hard, then you clearly have not done this diet. The peer pressure and bullying you will experience will be acute. If your so-called friends aren’t calling you a boring loser for not coming to the pub on fast days, your colleagues are vengefully trailing sausage rolls under your nose.
Your meals get weird
Celebrity diets are all very well and good when you’ve got a chef whipping you up asparagus foam on demand, but in real life there never seems to be time for healthy meal planning. You had high hopes for your off days, but the truth is you’re just not organised enough. That’s why fast days routinely end with you forlornly eating low fat spaghetti straight from the tin.
You will learn true longing
You will spend at least 21 hours of a fast day circling Greggs and wistfully planning what you are going to eat on your day off. Your internet history will be entirely made up of pornographic imagery of baked goods and bookmarked cookery tutorials.
And true fury
You may have previously thought you were quite a reasonable person, but nothing quite prepared you for the uncontrollable anger you would feel on fast days. Your other half cheerfully suggests a takeaway, and you suggest a trial separation. You try to remember, while shouting at your own shoelaces for being too tight, that this is not forever. "It’s just one day" you mumble to yourself like a crazy person, "just ONE day."
Fasting days are not days for life choices
Don’t even think about completing mentally taxing tasks on your fast days. Sure, if you’ve stuck with the 5:2 for a couple of weeks you will have built an iron will against your hunger, but it's still advisable to steer clear of the following on fast days: parents' evening, relationship showdowns, tax returns and frank conversations with annoying work colleagues.
Bed seems more attractive
When the entire world seems to be frying bacon, sometimes all you can do is just go to the place where there is no bacon: your bed. At 7pm. Because the sooner you sleep the sooner it is a new day, when you get to eat bacon.
Nothing feels as good as burgers taste
Kate Moss was wrong when she said said "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels." Wrong, wrong, wrong. Either that, or she has never closed her eyes and sunk her fashionable teeth into a steak burger piled high with slices of brie.
Hungry much? Here's how to cook it.