You still feel guilty, but not quite guilty enough to turn down a bacon sarnie ...
You may have abandoned your moral compass but that doesn't mean you’re not riddled with guilt on every country walk. Here’s what you’ll only know if you’ve fallen off the veg-wagon.
You’ll always remember where you were when you lapsed
The moment you wrapped your lips round that greasy bacon sandwich, the holiday where you caved and ate a Big Mac – the moment comes back to you in your dreams … and guilt-riddled nightmares.
It’s best not to go to farms
If you're still racked with remorse about your poor life choices, it’s just too much to connect the dots with live animals. A brisk country walk in spring will bring all the guilt flooding back. “The lambs!” you sob, “they are just so young and … leapy.” The guilt overwhelms you and then then it’s back to mushrooms, cheese and beans for a few weeks. Until the next Sunday roast tempts you back.
It's a meat eater's world
Now you've gone (back) over to the dark side, eating out is no longer a series of disappointments. Your heart is no longer routinely broken by the "veggie option." Tofu is not more delicious. You kinda knew this all along.
People are much nicer to you now
Usually when a person abandons a moral code in favour of convenience, people are quite judgmental. When this thing is making their lives easier and involves them not having to buy a pack of Quorn burgers for the barbecue they are quite overjoyed. They don't even try to hide it.
Meat costs a fortune
Back in your veggie days the weekly shop was a bargain: you could fill your boots for less than a tenner. These days you find yourself screaming at your shopping receipt: ‘HOW MUCH? FOR A FREE RANGE CHICKEN BREAST? You don't remember it ever being this expensive.
And you still have no idea how to cook it
Even though you’re well and truly back into meat-eating ways you’re still a little bit boggled by large slabs of the stuff, which means you very rarely actually handle it yourself. Good-tasting meat dishes are best cooked by people less tortured about it than you, so you tend to leave it to the professionals.
But hey, you’ve still got rules
You’re not a total monster. Every ex-veggie has their own set of conscience-clearing rules. Organic, locally sourced, grown-up animals only. Hang on a minute, did it have a heartbeat? No wait, knees? Teeth? Erm ...