A buffet can never be a relaxing experience for you, unfortunately
At any party your eyes are always trained on the canapés and you can hear a crisp packet at 40 paces. Here are the other things your royal hungriness is guilty of ...
via Netflix / Orange is the New Black
You’ve eaten pre-toast bread
When you’re a greedy pig, two minutes seems like an awfully long time to wait for a piece of toast. Regularly popping the toast up to see if it’s reached the toasty hinterland between"bread" and "burnt", you’ve been known to rapidly butter a slice of bread and just chow down on that while you wait.
'All you can eat' is a genuine challenge
If you’ve got any sense, as a little piggy you’ll have resolved to steer clear of all-you-can-eats. Where most people can give up when they’ve had their fill you will keep going until you are ejected from the place. A trip to Pizza Hut isn’t finished until you’re been rolled out of there like a barrel.
You are endlessly curious
When you are eternally hungry you’re always looking for the next big thing to delight your tastebuds. This is more often than not the thing you didn’t order at a restaurant but wish you did. “Is that … chocolate” you say when you see someone pulling a bar of Dairy Milk out of their bag, acting like you’ve never tried it before. This sort of curiosity is a survival technique. It will always guarantee you a couple of squares. It’s genius, really.
The rustling of packet always gets your attention
Even though you’ve probably already had your lunch, the rustling of a packet in the office is enough to have you doing a 360 in your swivel chair. You can detect the sound of a packet of cheese and onion opening from 100 feet away. Is it a superpower? Perhaps.
And you’ll always take some home
A buffet presents a whole set of challenges which test what is socially acceptable. Not only will you be the first one to the mini sausages at a wedding, you’ll be the one enquiring at the end where all the spare food is going in a slightly panicked voice. If you’re taken out for a fancy meal, you are never ashamed to ask for a doggy bag. Even if it’s a date.
Free canapés will get you to any party
In fact, if you hear the words "free food" you’ll be there like a rat up a slippery drainpipe. It doesn’t really matter who you're with, if there’s a filo pastry platter involved you’re attending. There’s a good chance you’ll spend the event surreptitiously stalking the waitress along with other greedy pigs. You may even have found some of your best friends this way. If there's no free grub at Sandra from accounts' 60th, it's not going to be easy to get you there.