What the bleedin' eck is a 'crumpet'?
If you've somehow found yourself miles south of God's own county there'll be some days your heart yearns for parkin. We feel your pain. Here are some things only a Yorkshire-born temporary southerner will understand...
You regularly have the 'dinner' and 'tea' argument
This began the very first time you found yourself in an all-southern environment and has been going on for what feels like every day ever since. Tired of explaining the difference, you have resigned yourself to finding comfort in the fact that YOU know you're right.
You get funny looks when building a chip butty
Yorkshire folk know what’s best for their chips and that’s bread and butter.
You can keep your Greggs and your Pret a Mangers
THIS is the only place to get a decent pastry.
‘Cakes’ has different meanings
Back in the playground, Pontefract cakes were basically a currency. (Yes they're made of licorice, no they're not actual cakes, yes they taste amazing.) You've puzzled a few people by explaining that bacon goes in something known variously as a breadcake or teacake. Those who don't know, hit Google.
Lamb chops are only half there
They don’t muck about with their cuts of meat where you come from, so imagine your horror when you realised how hard it is to find a proper Barnsley chop down south. Regular lamb chops are nothing but bitter disappointment.
Shop-bought Yorkshire puds are basically heresy
If your mother caught you in the frozen aisle with a packet of Aunt Bessie’s in your hand, your life wouldn't be worth living.
What are these ‘crumpets’ you speak of?
*Think* you’ll find they’re called pikelets.
Proper pies don’t flake
Other people’s pork pies are a joke
Stand pies are the real deal. You refuse to take seriously any pork pie that's not the size of your head.
You longed for parkin on Bonfire night
What is all of this huddling around the fire toasting one measly marshamallow? Cold winter nights call for piping hot sponge covered in treacle with mountains of custard. You literally cannot understand how this hasn’t caught on down south.
Rhubarb is a way of life
Jars of powdered sweets; hot crumble swimming in custard: if you're from the south of the county the rhubarb triangle is never far from your mind. While down south rhubarb might be gently encouraged, on your home turf it's forced, and that's how it should be.