How far will you go for a really big butty?
Here in the UK, we know which side our bread is buttered. We also know how to pile half the fridge between two slices of that bread, and turn it into something far greater than the sum of its parts.
Ever since the Earl of Sandwich first popularised the sandwich as we know it – he apparently asked for his meat to be served between slices of bread, to avoid interrupting a gambling game – we've been perfecting the art of the super-stacked, squidgy and downright seductive sarnie.
From the biggest butties to the meltiest toasties, here are some of the loveliest sandwich creations across the nation. And you'll definitely need both hands for these.
Sweet onion croquetas sandwich at Max's Sandwich Shop, London
North London newcomer, Max's Sandwich Shop, has shaken up the capital's sandwich scene and laughed in the face of the We Want Plates revolution. Come for the towering sarnies, plonked down on the table in greaseproof paper with a helpful side of kitchen roll, and stay for an hour to clean your face up afterwards.
Reuben at The Joker, Brighton
Food van hero The Orange Buffalo has set up its first kitchen at The Joker in Brighton, turning out visions of sandwich perfection like this classic Reuben. Brined for five days in a secret cure, this salt beef topped with a slice of elegantly melting Swiss is our secret cure, too.
Hummus and veg sandwich at Southsea Coffee Company, Hampshire
Not nearly your average vegetarian sandwich, Southsea Coffee Co's doorstep slab of veggie goodness is garnished with pumpkin seeds and a generous helping of homemade hummus. Which we all know is the correct quantity of hummus.
Pulled pork roll at Malt Cross, Nottingham
A gallery, music venue and arts centre, Nottingham's Malt Cross is far more than just a place to eat sandwiches – but this nearly obscene pulled pork bap is a pretty good place to start.
Ham and cheese toastie at Fitzbillies, Cambridge
Think you know ham and cheese toasties? You know nothing. Not unless you've had home-baked ham and Ogleshield cheese on sourdough bread at Cambridge cafe Fitzbillies, served with – naturally – homemade fruit ketchup. A class act.
Grandma's egg and onion sandwich at The Pear Cafe, Bristol
Proof that grandma sometimes does know best, Pear Cafe owner Elly Curshen uses a family favourite egg mayo recipe for this best-selling beauty, packed with spring onion, gherkins, toasted seeds and lettuce on a poppy seed bloomer.
Ham and cheese toastie from The Jabberwocky, Birmingham and Leamington Spa
Favourites at Birmingham's Digbeth Dining Club and Leamington Spa's The Mock Turtle, The Jabberwocky takes toasties to a whole new, melty, t-shirt-ruining level. The menu includes a triple-decker fish finger sandwich, a banoffee sandwich with homemade toffee sauce, and this vision in ham and molten cheese.
Bacon naan at Dishoom, London
Probably one of the city's most Instagrammed breakfasts, Dishoom's Bombay spin on a bacon butty uses five-day sugar-cured bacon which is then cold smoked over oak chips. So not exactly like your mum used to make, then.
Grilled cheese from Kappacasein Dairy, London
A mix of three different cheeses and five types of onion make Kappacasein Dairy's legendary toasties, the sandwich of sweet, sweet dreams. Even before bed.
Roast dinner sandwich at Hunt & Darton, on tour
People said you couldn't fit an entire roast dinner between two slices of bread – but those people hadn't met Hunt & Darton, sandwich visionaries and proprietors of a pop-up touring cafe that mashes up performance art with a jolly good feed. Catch them this summer in Harlow, Peterborough and beyond.
Salt beef bagel at Beigel Bake, London
An East End institution that had Londoners queuing in the streets long before pop-ups were a twinkle in the city's eye, Beigel Bake is the definitive salt beef bagel experience – cheap, perfectly chewy and so generously loaded that you end up with a bag of leftover beef and gherkins to eat at the end. Joy.