From giving up booze to cutting out sugar, sometimes what people say and what they mean are two different things

Report image
Image: New Year's food resolutions: intention vs. reality

Via: Mike Haller / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: mhaller1979

What you say

Report image
booze

Via: Kim / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: littlekim

What you mean

Right now you feel like someone has given you a full alcoholic blood transfusion. Like if you jumped up and down too fast your head would pop off like the cork from a bottle of cava. It's time to make a change so you confidently tell whoever will listen that you're off the sauce. Totally.

 

Monday through to Wednesday back at work you feel like a new person. It's like your brain works again and everyone is full of the enthusiasm of new beginnings (and totally broke).

 

As the month creeps on, things get a little bit tougher. After Friday afternoon's two hour finance meeting you find yourself saying "I'll just come for one" after work drink. Farewell self control.

 

What you say

Report image
sugar

Via: / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: ervinsstrauhmanis

What you mean 

Apparently sugar is the equivalent of sitting down to dinner with Satan himself, so now you've climbed aboard your high horse about it. No more sugar highs for you. Nope. It's natural all the way. You Google "sugar-free diet" and things become suddenly very real. "There's sugar in bread?!" you shout in shock. Oh dear. "Since when?"

 

Surely fruit can't be bad for you? OK, well maybe you'll just give up refined sugar, then. Or sugar in your tea. Or just cakes and biscuits. OK, you're giving up cakes and biscuits. But then, what's this? Janet's baked a lemon drizzle for the office Bake Off? Oh for goodness' sake, you tell yourself, nobody ever died from eating a little bit of lemon drizzle cake. Did they?

 

What you say

Report image

What you mean

Having dropped approximately a third of last year's salary on sad sandwiches and meal deals, you've decided enough's enough. Why should you hand over all that hard-earned cash just to line corporate pockets? You decide to stick it to The Man and make your own elaborate feasts at home. 

 

It starts off with fancy bento boxes which you forget pretty much every day for the first week. Even when you do remember, quality control quickly plummets and soon you're scrabbling ends of bread together with a single slice of ham.

 

Anyway, the food envy of others and or / excruciating microwave chat is too much and eventually you're straight back to bankrolling Pret / Greggs / Subway / Costa. You get the picture. 

 

What you say

Report image
vegan

Via: Mike Haller / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: mhaller1979

What you mean

If you spend far too much time on Mail Online and you've been freaking out about your pig-in-blanket consumption since Boxing Day you'll be paying close attention to your diet right now. You'll be making all sorts of very ambitious statements like the above. 

 

You have notions of yourself going full Gwyneth. Light jog before 7am, platter of fresh fruit for breakfast. There will be no rubbish in your diet. No meat. Definitely no sausages. Sausages will be a thing of the past, replaced by things that you've read about: flax seed, hemp and chia. 

 

You will go to Holland and Barrett and spend the last of your post-Xmas cash on various seeds and oils. You will spend day one telling everyone about your new diet. On day two you'll spend the longest hours of your life preparing a very disappointing meal. By day three you're cramming buttery toast and scrambled eggs into your gob like there's no vegan tomorrow. 

Don't worry, we'd never judge.

Why not have a go at some of these fabulous recipes instead?

Report image
BAKES

Via: Homemade

Report image
food

Via: Homemade