You really don’t want to be served these on Valentine’s Day. Trust us

No plans for Valentine’s Day yet? No problem. You’ve got an entire season of House of Cards to gorge on, so consider yourself busy.

 

After all, the alternative could be a melting mound of unidentifiable food. No one wants that.

 

Heart-shaped food is where good intentions can so easily go horribly wrong. So, put down that cookie cutter and stick to that box set. Please.


Heartbreak

OK, OK, if you can get a perfectly-formed heart inside a sponge then we applaud your baking skills. However, a wonky circle just looks weird.


The internet said they would look like this: 

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Instead they came out like this:

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Art attack

What do you see in your morning coffee? If it’s not a perfectly formed heart or cutesy creature (and that requires some skill) then it’s just not worth getting out of bed for.

This looks suspiciously like something else – best go back to sleep, then …

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The burger

Ah, the humble burger. A surefire way to anyone’s heart (unless you’re a veggie, obs) when served with a side of chips.


Pummelling it into a heart shape will just make for messy eating plus a wonky one isn't going to impress. There’s a reason the perfect pattie is round, people.

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Through the looking glass

If you’re going to try to turn any unsuspecting foodstuff into a heart then a cookie is a good place to start because, let's face it, it sounds the easiest. Oh how wrong that is. If you want to impress, stick with a simple chocolate chip cookie.

Less is more. 


The internet said they would look like this:

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Instead they came out like this:

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All wrapped up (ish)

Either you love bacon, or you’re wrong (we'll excuse veggies from this rule).

We spend a lot of time with bacon so this one is hard to stomach. These hearts are a crime against the pork product, let alone Valentine’s Day. 


The internet said they would look like this: 

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Instead they came out like this:

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Cook something they'll want to eat with this ribeye steak with bearnaise sauce and pommes Anna recipe or vanilla and chocolate love heart biscuits