Yeah, yeah, cake and pastry … but who had the greatest eyebrows in this year's Great British Bake Off?
THE END IS NIGH!
Of this year's Bake Off, we mean, which may as well be the apocalypse as far as Britain's cake-lovers and pastry-fanciers are concerned.
We know Tamal, Nadiya or Ian will take home the official crown, but who are the REAL winners and losers of series six? Who wowed us with the sauciest innuendo, the most emotional exit speech, or a bake that we actually really, really wanted to eat? They're all winners in our eyes: except the ones we've already forgotten about.
And so without further ado, let's hand out the prizes – as presented by the Homemade Academy of Carb Appreciation and decided by our panel of esteemed judges.
Greatest love story
And the winner is … Tamal and his second favourite sandwich!
He was just a man. Standing in front of a sandwich. Asking it to feed him. Mills & Boon novels have been based on less passion than the tale of Tamal and the pulled pork bap.
Most genuinely appetising bake
And the winner is … Nadiya's chocolate and peanut butter tart!
Tamal's three-tier cheesecake and Alvin's pineapple upside-down cake came close, but the ultimate accolade for being tasty, beautiful and not having half a sculptured park plonked on the top of it goes to Nadiya, for a tart that was part Reese's cup, part Snickers and all joy. And it earned a Hollywood handshake, the highest honour of all.
And the winner is … Mat!
"Bearing in mind what my wife says – always leave it in for an extra 10 minutes."
The Diana Beard Memorial Award for most helpful baker
The winner is … Paul!
Your russe collapses? He's there. Your ice-cream won't fit in your roll? He's there. You make a harmless little mistake involving royal icing and an oven? He's there, to look concerned and go around telling everyone.
Let's hear it for Paul – the most selfless baker in the land.
Biggest biological understatement
And the winner is … Nadiya!
"Oof, that felt just like whipping up a soufflé!" said no new mother, ever.
Person most deserving of a spin-off series
And the winner is … Dangerous Dave's mum, Sheila!
TELL US MORE ABOUT SHEILA, MAT.
What's she like? What's her story? How did she come to have a 100-year-old pudding tin? Just how dangerous is Dave? Does he just not bother blind-baking his flan case, or has he actually killed someone? Get them a BBC3 series and we will never stop watching.
Best effort to refute the myth that men can't multitask
And the winner is … Ian!
You can't see it here, but under that workbench he's also welding a Large Hadron Collider cookie cutter with his feet.
Best effort, in general
And the winner is … Flora!
Her motto? If you liked it then you shoulda put macarons on it. And a chocolate tuille. And some caramel nuts. And a truffle pony. And a tiny kitchen sink, carved out of caramel.
Most creative interpretation of the word 'disc'
And the winner is … Sandy!
Don't let people tell you you're wrong, Sandy. They thought Earth was flat at one point.
Most tempting (of fate)
And the winner is … Ian!
Ian is also the person who doesn't buy travel insurance, never packs a spare pair of socks, and says, "Isn't this the perfect weather for a picnic?!" just before it starts tipping it down.
Most flexible face: highly commended
And in third place … Mat! It's all in the eyebrows.
Most flexible face: runner up
And the runner up is … Flora!
Most flexible face
And the winner is … well you guessed this one, didn't you?
Bendier than a warm biscuit tower; more expressive than a thousand sad bread lions. That's Nadiya's face.
Most heartbreaking leaving speech
And the winner is … Alvin!
STOP IT ALVIN, you'll set us off again.
Liked this? Want more? Try these:
- The definitive ranking of chocolate bars from worst to best
- Feast your eyes! Make your own French patisserie
- 7 unlikely celebrities who really, really love the Bake Off
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