Flat meringues, mauve icing and a cookie that needed to be removed with wire cutters (and that was just Dame Edna). Welcome to the first episode of The Great Comic Relief Bake Off
The first batch of star bakers wielded their wooden spoons and battled it out over giant cookies, fruit tarts and tiered chocolate cakes in the first of four outings to the Bake Off tent in aid of Comic Relief.
There's nothing particular about being a celebrity that stops you from being a good baker but Ab Fab stars Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley, evergreen singer Lulu and international gigastar Dame Edna Everage turned the tent into a bit of a train wreck – and it couldn't have been funnier.
Behold the (edited) highlights:
There were some varying attitudes when it came to the competition
"I know the other three, that should hopefully be fun, unless they're competitive" Lulu said nervously. Cut to Jennifer Saunders: "I'm very competitive." Hmmm.
It just got worse when Ab Fab Eddie huffed: "Lulu knows exactly what she's doing. I'm tempted to go over and turn her oven down." Fighting talk ladies, fighting talk.
Dame Edna's cookie looked, well, disgusting
Well, it never really stood a chance, did it? The glittering Aussie decided to shun traditional baking techniques and not measure the ingredients, saying: "I'm not bound by rules". Good for you, possum.
Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse and the cookie – which co-host Sue Perkins likened to something you'd find at a dermatologist's convention – needed to be cut free from the baking tin with a pair of snippers, adding a touch of aluminium flavour to the bake. Yum.
"Like everything I do, it will have its own degree of excellence," said the grand dame with a dab of wisteria-coloured icing on the tip of her nose.
The attack of the giant cookie
Jennifer Saunders put so much baking powder into her "slice of toast" cookie that it ballooned to alarming levels in the oven (and then burned Paul Hollywood's mouth). Joanna "Patsy" Lumley suggested that she pretend it was meant to turn out like that.
"It says 'toast' on it, that's the problem," said Saunders.
"Make it 'roast'," said Lumley.
Artistic license indeed.
Pastry is a tricky customer
Lesson 1: kneading pastry with fingers bedecked in jewels is tricky, right Edna? Unfortunately, she had to keep them on: "I can't take them off because I don't trust anyone here," she said.
Lesson 2: weighing down pastry cases without lining them first will result in the two elements welding together – who knew, Joanna?
Patsy and Lulu made some egg errors
Unless our ears deceived us, Joanna sometimes makes an apricot glaze for her scrambled eggs. Our minds were blown, and not in a good "oh we didn't know you could make a giant Ferrero Rocher" kind of way.
Meanwhile, on a more sane planet, poor little Lulu used egg whites instead of yolks for her pastry resulting in the sloppiest dough we've ever seen. Sue's question? "Does it make you want to 'Shout'?" Genius.
Dame Edna made flat meringues
Let's face it, her Sydney Opera House-inspired showstopper looked more like a health hazard than a tiered chocolate cake.
"These are my meringues," she said proudly. "Deliberately flat, like pizzas." Of course.
And how did she think they'd go down? "They'll probably come down on me a bit hard, because I'm so famous." Totally agree.
Lulu got caught in her bottomless cake tin
This was just all kinds of crazy. How, we mean, how, do you get so tangled up in a cake tin? At least that was funnier than when her cake just collapsed in the middle. Time to shout now?
Jennifer gave new meaning to the phrase 'soggy bottom'
Ab Fab Eddie only went and turned the dreaded soggy bottom into a showstopper chocolate cake – and she was crowned star baker with a celebratory bouquet of flowers. The vodka buttercream was always going to win Bezza over.