If you’re not groaning, the Christmas cracker joke isn’t doing its job properly

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Image: 20 Cringe-worthy Christmas Cracker Jokes

Via: allispossible.org.uk / CC BY-SA 2.0 / adapted / Flickr: wheatfields

Here are 20 'best of the worst' Christmas cracker jokes to entertain/baffle/annoy unwitting friends, family and strangers alike. Get ready to grumble.

 

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
Because he had no body to go with

 

Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy

 

What happened to the man who stole an Advent Calendar?
He got 25 days

 

What do you call a skeleton detective?
Inspector Columbones

 

What do ghosts eat at Christmas?
Ghoulash

 

Why do birds fly south for the winter?
Because it’s too far to walk

 

Why don’t ducks tell jokes when they’re flying?
Because they’d quack up

 

What is Santa’s favourite pizza?
One that’s deep-pan, crisp and even

 

What do you call someone that’s scared of Santa?
Claustrophobic

 

What athlete is the warmest at Christmas?
A long jumper

 

What’s E.T. short for?
Because he’s only got little legs

 

What says ‘Oh-Oh-Oh’?
Santa walking backwards

 

Why did the snowman come first at the Winter Olympics?
There was snow competition

 

Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?
Because of his poor elf

 

What’s the best Christmas present you could receive?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it

 

What award goes to designers of doorknockers?
A no bell prize

 

How do you know Santa’s real?
He’s from the grotto

 

How can you tell if Santa is a werewolf?
He has Santa Claws

 

What do you get if you cross a lion with snow?
Frostbite

 

What do elves learn at school?
The elf-abet