Let's get this sorted before there's nothing left but wrappers and regret
Toffee penny for your thoughts? Is the strawberry "delight" actually anything but? Are you a chip off the old milk choc block, or a caramel swirl girl?
The merits of each of the flavours in a Quality Street tub are hotly debated at almost every festive family gathering: why are the green triangles scarcer than gold? Do coconut eclairs actually reproduce in the night? What's the point of the toffee penny? We're settling this debate here and now before anyone's had time to stash the purple ones behind a sofa cushion.
What's top of the chocs?
12. The orange creme
One word: Calpol. Two more words: BLARGH, no.
Nobody really knows why orange-flavoured chocolate is utterly delicious while orange-flavoured fondant goop IN chocolate tastes like something you'd keep in a medicine cabinet – but we'll have plenty of time to ponder it between 29 December and 3 January when they're all that's left in the tin.
11. The coconut eclair
Do we think coconut eclairs have a support group with the mini Bountys from boxes of Celebrations? "If they don't like us at our bitty, desiccated worst, they don't deserve us at our delicious tropical island best," they chant together, weeping.
But it's OK, because there's one person in every family who is proud to like coconut chocolates. They consider it a noble duty, like washing up the turkey pan or taking the rubbish out. Thanks guys. You lot are the real heroes.
10. The strawberry delight
Your fun auntie's favourite, this is the Quality Street that would be first on the dancefloor wearing a tinsel feather boa and leading everyone in singing Mariah at karaoke. The dark chocolate gives it slightly more edge, as does the gorgeously kitsch wrapper, so you can almost forget that it tastes like that Polly Pocket lipbalm you had when you were nine.
Calling it a "delight" is setting yourself up for a fall though, guys. Just call it "passable strawberry-flavoured sugar vehicle" and let us keep all the guilty pleasure for ourselves.
9. The toffee penny
There's this thing called chocolate that exists, guys.
It's nice, you should try it.
8. The caramel swirl
Your nan's favourite, these require very little in the way of chewing or opinions. To be happily gummed between the other more challenging options, like a chocolatey palate cleanser.
7. The milk choc block
On the one hand, it's a solid block of milk chocolate. But on the other hand, it's a solid block of milk chocolate. And that is all the opinion on this one we can muster.
There are these things called fillings that exist, guys. They're nice, you should try them.
6. The toffee finger
What the toffee penny aspires to be when it grows up. The gilded glamazon of the chocolate tin, the toffee finger's shape lends itself perfectly to being dipped in things (like brandy butter) or having things wrapped around it (like bacon). But it remains a class act throughout.
5. The toffee deluxe
The clue's right there in the name: DELUXE. Nobody knows why (maybe it has very fine diamonds ground up in it) but this is a left-field favourite, ignored by most but loved by those discerning bods who can really appreciate superior quality.
They're the ones wearing a cashmere rollneck, listening to Nat King Cole and drinking a port by the fire.
4. The fudge
Sadly these are no longer called "country fudge", which always gave us visions of hundreds of them in fields, their pretty pink wrappers glistening in the sunshine, waiting to be harvested. Maybe they're urban fudge now? Inner-city fudge. Factory fudge.
Anyway, they're still delicious.
3. The purple one
SCANDAL! CONTROVERSY! Some 66% of you voted for the purple one in our Twitter two-horse race, but we've gone ahead and ignored the result because if you can't make questionable decisions at Christmas, when can you? Love Actually taught us that.
Such is the iconic status of the purple one that we don't even use its proper name – like Madonna. Also like Madonna, we love it more for its showmanship than actual talent. The purple one's most alluring attributes are, in order: generous size; surprise whole hazelnut; classy wood-effect pattern on the sides like a uPVC window frame. But hey, you love what you love.
2. The orange chocolate crunch
A relative newcomer to the street, the orange chocolate crunch is the funky neighbour that moves in and immediately raises the tone of the whole area. Boldly hexagonal, refreshingly crunchy, deep and crisp and even, it's a Christmas classic for our times.
1. The green triangle
The green triangle is everything to all people. It's a classy noisette treat, it's a Nutella upgrade, it's a handy pointed weapon you can use to fling at your enemies. It's smooth but chompy, flavoursome but mellow, and you can easily eat five in a sitting without automatically bringing on a migraine.
But by far the most attractive thing about the green triangle is the fact you can never actually get your hands on one. They're the golden snitch of the sweetie tin. Are they as delicious as we remember, or do we only love them because they play hard to get? We had one once, in 1994, and we're pretty sure it was great. Perhaps this year we'll eat one again!
(Of course we won't. By lunchtime on Christmas Eve there'll be nothing but a solitary emerald wrapper fluttering at the bottom of the tin to prove the green triangles were ever there at all.)
- The two Victoriana-clad figures that appeared on Quality Street tins and boxes until 2000 were known as Miss Sweetly and Major Quality.
- Amazing discontinued Quality Street include the apricot delight, the peanut cracknell and the implausibly rustic gooseberry cream.
- The name "Quality Street" was taken from a play by Peter Pan author JM Barrie. It isn't an actual street and you can't visit it.
Like this? Then try these:
- All the food disappointments you'll encounter this Christmas
- 10 epic gingerbread house fails
- How early is too early for Christmas food?
And for more fun foodie stuff direct to your inbox sign up to our weekly newsletter.